Was asked a question this evening “Do I always talk in the 3rd person?” I have to admit I did not understand the reference and although I had apparently just done this, I had no recollection or awareness that I had. Makes me wonder how much of what we say is rote versus intentional.
Turns out this friend observed that whenever I related a story which involves my son, I talk in the 3rd party “Mommy” rather than “I”. I had to think hard to recognize this as truth and once I did, then I wondered why.
I asked Walter. He and I have an agreement we always tell the truth – even if we believe the answer may not please the other. It keeps everything real. Walter did not recall having noticed this. However, once I gave him the example of when I speak about Gregory, he ran it through a few times and then agreed I have done this. Not sure how often though. Figures it would not be often or he would have noticed.
So I googled “What does it mean to refer yourself as a 3rd person ?” The answer “Illeism is the act of referring to oneself in the third person instead of first person and is considered a narcissistic behavior.” So then I googled “narcissistic” which means:
PSYCHOLOGYextreme selfishness, with a grandiose view of one’s own talents and a craving for admiration, as characterizing a personality type.
PSYCHOANALYSISself-centeredness arising from failure to distinguish the self from external objects, either in very young babies or as a feature of mental disorder.
I don’t know about you but this certainly made me take pause. Do I really do this narcissistic behaviour? If yes…I so totally need to remove this habit from my blue print. In the words of Og, “I will form good habits and become their slave…For it is another of nature’s laws that only a habit can subdue another habit.”
I am now consciously aware of this, and have asked Walter to be aware along side me. We will catch if and when I do this and then BAM I will replace it with something else. Not sure exactly what that something else is yet but knowing the diagnosis if I don’t replace it may be a good start.
Will come back to you on this at another date.
In the meantime, I’d like to ask you to CONSIDER how you may have taken this news? I’m still wrapping my head around how it feels to hear something like this about yourself. I’m not freaking … but I did allow that pause. Now I’m sitting here typing…knowing that anything, even this type of habit, can be altered with the power of my thoughts. I will deconstruct the habit and then construct the solution.
If you change how you look at things – the things you look at change!
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