Had a bit of an epiphany today. One of my siblings shared a link to the 7 stages of grief. I ran through each of the 7 with Walter and realized, other than one aspect of stage 4 (Reflection), I had either already experienced each or they did not apply. I’ve also reviewed the common Kübler Ross Grief Cycle – very similar overall.
Why grief labeled in this manner? The same way “they” say each woman experiences pregnancy and labour differently – I can only imagine we would all experience the death of a loved one differently. So having labeled grief as being something one must work through – does this actually help us to grieve or does it create a directive for our brain to focus on and encourage it to manifest itself within us?
in reviewing the stages of grief, Walter and I agreed that if someone died suddenly, unexpectedly – then we may need to work our way through the shock, pain, anger, depression… BUT what about when you know someone is “winding down” as my mom’s doctor described it? My mom was told about a year ago that her cancer was no longer in remission and shortly thereafter found out it could not be operated on and she was not strong enough to withstand the rigors of chemotherapy. This is when my grief started. This is when I started to realize my mom may not be with us for much longer.
Personally I watched my mom fight through her own stages…including denial. What I observed was very similar to what was noted for the griever. I personally had to remain true to who I was – hence I lent emotional and physical support where I could and lighthearted banter whenever I saw her. I made her laugh!
Today we had a 3 hour window between the afternoon and evening visitation sessions for my mom. During this time at home I turned to Walter and asked whether it was OK for me to not feel like I had to grieve – I felt good – I loved my mom and I will miss her…but I do not feel bad. He said he had experienced something very similar shortly after his mom’d death.
We knew they were unwell. We knew they had a limited time with us. We knew they were in pain and were relieved when they no longer had to endure the pain. We knew they would not want us to wallow – but to celebrate who they were here in this life. This must be a good type of grief.
With everything we have learned over the last few years, especially since having embraced the teachings of Mark J and the Master Key System by Charles Haanel, we know we have the ability to choose the emotions we wish to embrace and our subsequent actions.