While I know the ashes are not the essence of who my mom was, representation of the ashes in an urn are a reminder to me of her connection to this plane of existence – where the rest of us remain. While each of us morn differently, I have chosen to embrace the philosophy that once our energy is no longer attached to our earthly bodies, we remain as energy. I embrace how our son chose to describe it – that our loved ones are not lost to us, they are still here – just everywhere.
So while I experienced a moment of sadness that mom was leaving us, I wonder whether that is even the case?
Walter and I were talking the other day about what “home” is. And he commented it is where we hang our hat. It is not the ‘stuff’ which which makes a space home. So it does not matter that we will no longer have all this ‘stuff’ we’ve collected over our life with us in Costa Rica – as long as we are together, in health and happiness – we are home.
I wonder whether this is similar to death in that we still have mom here with us, in our hearts, and therefore she is at home with us. We do not need her body to have her with us.
I also believe…since I started out as a microscopic piece of her, and so having been created by her, of her, she remains within me always. Maybe that is why I feel I am being reminded of her love and support. The only thing I cannot do is physcially touch her – but when I close my eyes, I can see her smile.
However, now I’m wondering…since I am energy, and my body will also cease to exist at some point, and she is energy whose body already ceased to exist…if I am able to still connect with her now, why would I not continue to connect even once both our bodies no longer breathe? And if that is the case, we are always and forever together.