Am observing myself in a bit of a strange space – feeling a bit out of sorts – almost like this is not my life. I know…I know…weird. After all the turmoil over the last few weeks, it’s almost like I was on overdrive and now the engine got cut.
Hmmm….The last time THAT happened, I fell off the front of the boat, was sucked under and my leg when through a propeller. Thank goodness THIS feels totally different.
It’s almost like I’m heading into a different chapter. Maybe that’s it! Maybe this feeling if because I’m closing a chapter of my life and starting a new one. There’s always a pause when that happens…right? Many of the characters stay the same but some of them have completed their role in the story and now we’re introducing new ones…maybe different scenery.
One of the things I’ve noticed as a mom is the feeling of connection…of responsibility somehow for my son. I’ve always felt this but never at the level I feel right now. This evening I walked in to ask him if he wanted our cuddle/chat, and there he was sound asleep already, with a book still open on his lap. The love and contentment was palpable – without and within.
I went back in a while later to find him still propped up. I grabbed the edge of the pillow and pulled gently, leading him over to the side so he was no longer cramped. I wanted him to be comfortable. Is this not my role as his mom? To love him. To give him solid, consistent rules to live by. To love him. To teach him cause and effect so he can make his own choices with guidelines on how to walk himself through life. To love him. To do what I can to provide him with the tools to be all that he wishes to be.
Is THIS why we are starting a new chapter in our lives? Is HE why I am here at this moment? Look out….it may not all be about me…or Walter! This could be all about Gregory and what he will learn through us on this adventure.
Hey, I’m not one of those moms who is going to say “I did it all for you!” Heck no! This move to Costa Rica is what Walter and I want. However, since (in our choice of belief) children choose their parents because of what they are here to learn, to do and to be – Gregory chose us so we can take him with us where we are heading.
The chapter ahead is unknown. The great part is we are able to use the law of least effort to allow it to unfold for us. May we all choose the path we were meant to take.