I observed today that when one is focused on getting something done, one can accomplish a lot. However, when one is not as focused, or possibly experiencing some after effects of the grieving process, then one’s ability to function at their full speed may be affected.
I remember when I was about half way through my pregnancy, one of the HR trainers came down to talk to me about the new people we had hired for my team, they spoke to me for about 10 minutes…I was paying attention – truly I was – but then as she was leaving she commented she would send me a note about what we spoke about. She later explained to me that she could see it going right through me – hence why she sent me the note.
I too found a difference in my ability to retain information. Prior to pregnancy I was one of those people who could remember what someone said and who was in the room from a year ago. I was organized. I was efficient. But once I was pregnant all that seemed to seep out of me…I ended up with notes to remind myself on basically everything.
I still make lists. I set reminders. I even have alarms for my reminders. I understood why this was happening when it was hormonal but now….Is this age? Anyone have an answer to that? Anyone?
So…back to operating at less than full speed…one of my siblings sent a set of snap shots of posters from the hospice where our mom is currently. One of them was “The Grieving Person’s Bill of Rights“. What a timely tool. A few things which stood out for me.
You have the right to experience your own unique grief. No one else will grieve in exactly the same way you do. In Scroll IV OG says “None that came before, none that live today, and none that come tomorrow can walk and talk and move and think (and grieve) exactly like me.”
You have the right to feel a multitude of emotions. Confusion, disorientation, fear, guilt and relief are just a few of the emotions you might feel as part of your grief journey. And You have the right to be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits. Your feelings of loss and sadness will probably leave you feeling fatigued. Respect what your body and mind are telling you.
Finally ending with Remember, grief is a process, not an event. Be patient and tolerant with yourself.
Remember back to Kindness week I observed (or was it an opinion?) along with being kind to others, we must remember to be kind to ourselves. This includes being patient and tolerant with ourselves too. Maybe this is why I am challenged with being patient and tolerant of others…I’m not patient and tolerant with myself. Hmmm….more things to consider.